Dear Car Owner, You may have noticed the dent on the left side of your car. If not, allow me to draw your attention to it now. As you can see, it is there, and so is this note, and now two and two are getting put together in your head. Allow me to confirm your suspicions: The dent and note are connected. I have dented your car and wish to apologize for it. Got it pretty good there, didn't I? You get that kind of denting action from your core muscles; that's where the power is. One question you're certainly asking by now is, "How can this note be so long?" Or perhaps, "How can this fucking note be so long?" depending on your level of anger. The note's length is due to the fact that this is not just a simple note of apology, nor an offer to pay for the damages, nor an attempt to identify myself, nor really an endeavor to do anything concrete about this situation at all. Those are simple matters, briefly explained. I've got different motives, which I'll get in to in due time, but first and foremost, I guess I just wanted to explain myself so that you don't hate me forever. I have this thing where I can't be hated. Who likes being hated? I bet you don't. You see? We already have something in common. (I also like puppies and chocolate ice cream and vaginal sex. See? More things we have in common. These things forming right now? They're called bonds. They may be awkward, uncomfortable bonds, like an uncle hugging you from behind, but they're real. Don't try to struggle.) Where was I? Oh right, the dent. That actually has a funny story, and I encourage you to sit down while reading it, if only to brace yourself for the deluge of mirth that's about to spray all over your face like a dirty mouthwash commercial. Sit down in the car, maybe put the seat back a couple of notches and relax. Also put the key in the ignition and have a look at the gas gauge. How's that look? Please keep relaxing, it's critical to keep relaxing; that deluge of mirth will shatter you if you remain tense. That's funny. You don't remember pushing your car to work this morning. Some gas is missing, isn't it? Previously I have noticed that your car was parked here unattended for hours every day, I guess because you work nearby. Congratulations! In this economy, having steady work is good news. I certainly don't have that luxury, as you may have gathered by my ability to stake out parked cars for entire days. Truly, you are one of the lucky ones, and I hope you remember your fortune throughout this, as your dent is repaired, and your gas tank is refilled, and your car is seized by the police. About that coming seizure: Having noticed the car was available from late morning throughout the early afternoon every weekday, I decided to borrow it. You might say that I stole it, and the courts would probably agree, but with the car back in your possession (not withstanding the fact that the police will shortly be seizing it from you), I think that morally what I did can't be considered stealing. We distribute these fine, cheap goods through a network of dealers who are, as you can imagine, all incredibly unethical. You try getting a Corporate Social Responsibility report from a guy whose entire operation is a blanket and a fast pair of shoes. That's why I needed your car in the first place. Given the absolute surety I have that my distribution chain will snitch on me the second they're busted which they are, at an amusingly high rate I have to disguise my identity using borrowed cars and a variety of not borrowed wigs. So many regrettable things in this picture, and amazingly, GM was responsible for only one of them. But just as I completed my last delivery, flashing lights filled the rearview mirror. I presumed at the time that the cops had finally gotten wind of me, but now I wonder if they were looking for your car specifically. Is it possible you are yourself a wanted felon? You might not even know; I kind of just fell into felony myself. Have you perjured yourself, perhaps? That's an easy one to miss. The resulting chase was fantastic, and if you are at all curious what your car can do at the edges of its performance envelope, I highly encourage you to check out the evening news tonight. Big dirty old four wheel drifts around hairpins, and bootleg turns, and this one insane jump off of one of those car transporting trucks over a school bus full of clapping children. Well, after my escape, I returned the car here, unmolested. And then deliberately smashed the door with a tire iron. "Fuck you, door," I said, meaning every word of it. You see, I needed some visible damage to the car, something beyond the horrendous but unseen suspension damage I'd already caused. I needed something you'd notice, something to make you angry, and something to make you read the note under your windshield. The entire note. Including the longer words that you probably had to read twice. I'm guessing it took you between three to five minutes to read this, which turns out to be the average response time for our city's finest for high priority calls. If I've timed this right and I've put in a lot of effort on this point then you should be hearing the sirens now, coming to arrest the faux couture Slanket deliveryman who, thanks to a lot of evidence I've left in the trunk, they will think is you. It turns out that I've actually been watching you this whole time Hi there! waiting for you to find the note, before I called the po po. Why would I do such a thing, you ask? Because of the dent, man, because of the dent. Not this dent. The first dent. The dent that YOU made six months ago, when you levered your enormous ass out of your tiny car, smashing the door into the side of MY car. It took me that long to hunt you down, that long to set up a fake designer leather goods racket, that long to save up for and attend a three day stunt driving school. That long to concoct just the right delay in a batch of disappearing ink. Are the words getting fainter now? Well hopefully you'll have just enough time to read this last sentence, a homily of sorts, admonishing you to leave a fucking note the next time you dent someone's car. Nike Roshe Run Men Iguana Black ,Women Nike Free Run 3 Soar Blue Rflct Silver Pro Platinum Volt Nike Roshe Run Hyp Women Navy Dark Grey Nike Free Run 3 Anthracite Gray Reflect Silver New Green Women Nike Roshe Run Men Volt Cool Grey Roshe Run PRM Women Peppermint Candy Sail Men Nike Free Run 2 Anthracite Black Red White Nike Free Run 3.0 Prism Blue Reflect Silver Pure Platinum Women Men Nike Free Run 4.0 V2 Dark Grey Cool Grey Volt Men Nike Free Run 2 Drench Blue Orange White Whether you are a do it yourselfer or own a small roofing business, you have to be safety conscious at all times. A roof can be a dangerous place and the fall is unforgiving. As a homeowner saving money should never be at the expense of safety. As an employer it will cost more to pay the hospital than to buy the proper equipment. The price you pay for the equipment is minimal compared to what could happen to you. Read on to find out how to stay safe on a roof. 1. Always use a sturdy extension ladder. Buy or rent one that is long enough to reach at least 3ft beyond the roof. Fiberglass is heavier than aluminum but they provide you with the best protection. How many times will you touch a power line is anybody's guess. Make sure you set the ladder in a spot where it is firm and not tilted. If the ground is uneven use plywood to level out the surface. Tie off he top of the ladder to an immovable anchor point. 2. Leaving the safety of the ladder is a bit precarious and getting back onto is even more so the best thing to do is to keep your hands free. Use a bucket and pulley system to bring items up and down. The reason you want a ladder that is at least 3ft higher than the roof is so that you can have something to hang onto during the transition. 3. There is no replacement for using common sense if the roof looks too steep and you are not experienced hire a professional. 4. Never go on the roof when it's raining, snowing or in high winds. This is a recipe for disaster. 5. Wear shoes with traction soles. Soft rubber works great but make sure your soles are free of mud. Keep the roof cleaned of debris at all times. Even a pebble can be a hazard at this height. 6. Place roof brackets liberally along the eaves, these will serve as a guard that will stop you from falling of the roof. Taking practical safety steps will ensure that you live to tell about you roofing adventure. For more detailed information you can go online or talk with a seasoned professional about your concerns. One final thought if you are going to be working on the roof keep abreast of the weather conditions. In some areas what started as a bright sunny day could change in the blink of an eye. If this happens get off the roof immediately. Jon Steele lives in Alpharetta, Georgia with his wife and three children. He is a metal deck expert who speaks publicly around the world. While many of his speeches revolve around steel decking construction structures, he also gives speeches on leadership and management improvement. Nike Roshe Run Men Iguana Black,Beer in hand, he nodded toward Robby Ayala, a comedian and employee of Niche, the social media management agency Lachtman, 32, founded with a partner last July. Ayala was one of more than a dozen Niche members invited to the company sponsored happy hour."He got like, 40,000 likes and shares on his last post," Lachtman said. (That post featured Ayala, an affable 23 year old with a kind of frat boy charm, pouring hot coffee on his bare hand.)"The dog is down there with his 50,000 followers," Lachtman went on, gesturing at Biggie Griffon, a pouty Brussels Griffon who sat underneath a pizza and cheeseburger strewn picnic table. He is paid in turn to promote brands like BarkBox, a subscription service for dog accessories, on his social media feeds, with Niche brokering the deals.In an era of new economies, this may be one of the most curious: the network that has sprung up to help the follower laden stars of Instagram, Vine, Pinterest and other social media services make money by connecting them with brands wanting to advertise to their audiences.People like Lachtman and his co founder, Rob Fishman, run what may be seen as a parallel universe to Hollywood, one in which shares and likes matter more than box office sales and paparazzi shots. Here, authenticity a word that comes up often in this arena trumps a Photoshop perfect facade or publicist approved message.Some of these agents want to groom their clients (or creators, as they're often called) into marquee names who can resonate beyond a smartphone screen. (Although it's worth noting that some already have a bigger following than "traditional" celebrities: Nash Grier, Instagram's answer to the archetypical teenage idol, has more than 5.9 million followers on the social network; Oprah Winfrey has about half of that.)"We want to cultivate these stars, and if they graduate to being the next Jimmy Fallon, great," said Gary Vaynerchuk, a founder of the New York based GrapeStory, an agency that represents a coterie of Vine comedians in addition to other social media personalities. "But when they're just trying to get $10,000 or $20,000 out of a brand, which is life changing for these kids, we know how to get it done.""You come work with GrapeStory," he added, "you're guaranteed to make five and six figures per year."While the metrics of the businesses may be different Niche, for example, charges brands for the use of their services instead of talent these agencies share much of the bravado of their Hollywood counterparts.Jason Stein, the founder of social media agency Laundry Service, which in April started Cycle, a division dedicated to Instagram personalities, slams the lack of respect given to this new breed of stars with Ari Gold level enthusiasm.On a recent afternoon at Laundry Service's New York office, which is decorated with custom wallpaper that shows Victorian era figures steam ironing the Facebook logo, Stein, 29, and Liz Eswein, 25, the executive director of Cycle, were talking about how Eswein was paid around $50 a promotional post as recently as two years ago. (Eswein, who created the Instagram account 'newyorkcity' while studying media and communications at New York University, now has more than 1.2 million followers on the social network.)"People still come and think they can get away with that, and it's like, 'You've got to be kidding,'" Stein said, throwing up his hands. "What are they thinking? It's literally getting away with robbery."If Stein comes out swinging, Eswein coddles. She acts as a kind of den mother to the more than 1,000 Instagram photographers Cycle represents, who have been paid to do projects for brands including Michael Kors and Coach. "It's less about, how much can you make this year, and more about educating the photographer and what their worth is," she said.That worth can be significant. Niche's so called branded marketing deals can pay upward of five figures a post enough that one of Biggie's owners, Lindsey Louie, quit her job with Google to work full time on Biggie's feeds and work as the company's community manager.Niche also enables creators to track their performances across social networks (what post got like after like on Instagram but flopped on Facebook, for example) and allows brands to see which creators work best for them."We'll do stuff like discount codes," Lachtman explained on a Wednesday afternoon in Niche's San Francisco office. This time, Biggie was out of the crate and padding across the conference room table, paws sometimes landing on Lachtman's MacBook. "Biggie gets a custom code; let's see how many BarkBoxes he sells versus other dogs.""The dog demographic on these social platforms is huge," he added, scanning Biggie's statistics on his screen. Lachtman recounted an April Fool's Day campaign Niche did with American Eagle called American Beagle."We flew a bunch of dogs to their headquarters in Pittsburgh," he said. "I think we had five dogs that each had 400,000 followers. It's a crazy audience. It works really well."Brands see upsides beyond increasing their profiles. They can spend far less on an advertising campaign executed through these social media platforms than more mainstream ones, which is part of the allure of hiring a budding Instagram photographer to shoot a project versus, say, Mario Testino.General Electric, which came to Niche to find people to evangelize 'Spring Break It', a campaign to promote its work with advanced materials, declined to say how much it paid each of the eight creators it involved in the project, but Linda Boff, GE's executive director of global brand marketing, described it as "a fraction of a fraction of the cost" the company would have paid to advertise on a traditional distribution channel, like television.One of the personalities featured in 'Spring Break It' was Ayala, the Vine comedian and Niche employee who has gained more than 3 million followers with his goofy, self deprecating posts or as he described it at the San Francisco happy hour, "really, really dumb skits." (A recent Vine featured him washing his face with Skittles.)
Where Can We Buy The Nike Roshe Run Men Iguana Black,Men Nike Free Run 2 Black White Anthracite Quilted Shania Twain has posted a homemade video trying to make the best of her embarrassing fall on the CMT Awards stage in front of millions of viewers. A little embarrassed, but highly in control, the singer explains her self and assures fans she is just a little sore. Bubbly and bouncy, the star prances around the room before plopping down on the couch to get serious with her fans. Shania seems also to be attempting to project a confident image to assure her business interests that she is well and in full charge of her faculties. It is not that anyone would suspect the beautiful and much adored woman of being under the influence when she fell. According to her statements in the video (below), Twain plans on auctioning off her the shoes she was wearing during the fall. With tongue in cheek Shania claims she did not need a stunt double for the fall. She points out that she did her own stunts in her and Louise video. For Shania Twain fans, the video will make them smile. Others may find it a bit cheesy. No one can watch the video without being mindful of her professionalism and great looks. Anyone who acts, sings and projects such a glowing image gets a free pass for a live clumsy fall. Who can resist her charms?. Nike Roshe Run Men Iguana Black Byline: Stephanie Becker Local ViewIT may be one small step for Adidas, but it would be one gigantic leap for my wallet. That's if I splurge on the German sportswear manufacturer's new Adidas 1 running shoes. At $250, they're too pricey to be called sneakers.That's right, $250 a new world record. It was front page news. After all, it is the first smart shoe.'' (OK, second if you count Agent 99's shoe phone.) This sole enhancement device is equipped with a tiny microprocessor that instantly gauges the runner's pace and weight versus the terrain. Then it automatically adjusts the shoe's cushioning, making 5 million calculations per second.For that kind of money the shoe should tie itself. Unfortunately, that's not even offered as an upgrade option.Batteries are included and are good for about 100 hours of run time. For marathoning Kenyans, that adds up to about 1,300 miles. But if you're a paunchy middle aged chick from Burbank keeping a plodding pace, it's more like 578 miles, not counting potty breaks.I figured out that if the Adidas 1 could get me through 600 miles it would end up costing around 48 cents a mile. That might be a bargain considering the current price of gasoline. Although my trunk space is kind of limited, making it hard to carpool a swim team and pick up the dry cleaning. And what happens if there's a 404 Error and your shoes need to be rebooted?In a time of congressional steroid use slap downs, I wonder if this technological advancement isn't really an unfair advantage. Is this micro chipped cushioned comfort really cheating? Is the Adidas 1 the Rosie Ruiz of footwear? (Rosie infamously won'' the 1980 Boston Marathon by skipping most of the race and jumping in for the last half mile) Or will it become a necessity, like a swimmer in one of those sleek, full body Fast skin swimsuits zipping through the water? Or is it an unnecessary accoutrement like a rear spoiler on a Corolla?After all, our ancestors traipsed around the planet for a few 100,000 years without so much as a Birkenstock. And the history of running is filled with stories of the barefoot champions. Ethiopia's Abebe Bikila is known as the greatest Olympic marathoner and he won a gold medal shoeless. South African Zola Budd set a blistering pace with naked tootsies back in the 1980s. And in the 1940s, Charlie Robbins won two national marathon titles while shoe shorn. He did slip on socks when the temperature dipped below freezing. Barefoot but not brainless.I called my local sporting goods store to see if I could get a test drive. For that kind of money I wanna take those puppies for a spin. Alas, the shoes only come in men's sizes and nothing small enough for me. Talk about your digital divide. Did Adidas miss hearing about Title 9? Or does it subscribe to the Lawrence Summers theory of athletics? Women just don't add up when it comes to expensive footwear. Hello? Perhaps the Germans don't think we're well heeled enough to plop down that kind of dough when toe cleavage is not involved.But, I am going to buy a pair. It was Adidas's arch enemy Nike that convinced me. I did the math. An original pair of Nike Air Jordan's bought 20 years ago for $200 is reportedly worth several thousand dollars today. The Adidas 1 isn't a shoe, it's an investment. Now I'm soled.
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